18 Life Lessons I Wrote My Son When He Turned 18

0:00Most people, Katelyn, they believe they're going to lose and they're right. I get paid more money to do nothing than you do to work your ass off. Who do you think's going to win the game? If you're going to slam your laptop down at 5:00 p.m. every day and run home, I'm going to tell you you're not going to be successful. Society's going to tell you that you have all the time in the world and what I'm going to tell you is you're 18 years old and you're already behind. Your father is the one person that wants the only man that wants you to beat them. I spent many years of my life playing for other people's applause. And the problem, Katelyn, of playing for other people's applause is the danger of what happens when they quit clapping. Your partner is the ultimate flex. You picked them, you built a life with them. If they suck, what does it say about you? Probably you suck. Boom! Welcome back to the Be Wealthy podcast. I'm Brett Tanner, that's Katelyn Mitchell, and we are filming remote today. Now, Katelyn, why are we filming remote? It's a great question. I had the privilege of marrying my niece. No, that's not what you're thinking. I'm a reverend. I'm a man of the cloth, Katelyn, and you know that. Um, you

1:03know, and all my brothers and sisters out there from the Universal Life Church, want to give a big give a big shout-out to them. Uh, I met a few of my brothers and sisters at the wedding, specifically my uncle, who I first got ordained at the Universal Life Church, Katelyn, because he married me. And we have to drop a video in the show notes of of what I did. Now, the video, I have not seen it yet, but there is a video Uh, I sent my niece as a joke. And uh, Katelyn, by the way, I think in the background you should shuffle all your papers at the same time to see if the sound can pick it up. I think that would be super cool. Uh, I'm just messing with you, Katelyn. So, I sent a video to my niece, and what I did was I said is I want to intro like this. Like I want to come into the if you want to call it the altar, like this. And it was a guy in a like orange jacket who just like with a top hat going crazy to The Greatest Show. Right? Obviously great movie. That song,

2:07This Is The Greatest Show.
the Hugh Grant movie, The Greatest Showman.
And by Hugh Grant you mean Hugh Jackman? But yes.
Hugh Jackman.
Wolverine Wolverine. So he comes he that that same movie this guy comes in and I text my niece is this what you want and she said yes and I thought it was a joke and then two days before she said Uncle Brett are you going to enter to your song?
She thought you were serious. You thought she was being sarcastic back. Now you're in this and one of us was sarcastic, one of us wasn't.
So I send my wife around to Pinetop to go find outfits and so she found literally I felt like the jacket from The Greatest Show and a top hat. So and then I escort my wife in and then I just dance around her the entire time and put on The Greatest Show. So we're going to get the live clip of that video we got to post it Katelyn cuz it's incredible. But that's all that we're here for. We're not we're not here for weddings Katelyn and we're not here for the great Well this is the greatest

3:08show, The Be Wealthy Podcast. But today Katelyn we're here to talk about 18 lessons that I told my 18-year-old son. And I want to walk you through kind of how I got here. So my son turned I debated filming this episode Katelyn cuz it was it's highly personal but the amount of time it took and then when I read it back I thought our audience could benefit from it. So my son turned 18 a couple weeks ago and we went to Central Park and I went to the Yeat concert Katelyn and for the maybe you're not I know you're a millennial but Yeat is pronounced y e a t. Well, Yeat. It's one of the biggest biggest rappers in the game right now Katelyn. I don't know if you've been in a mosh pit recently at a Yeat concert in Central Park, but what a gas. We'll come back to that. But, that was my son's It was actually the concert was in Central Park on my son's birthday. And that morning, I gave him my favorite journal. And about 4 months leading into it, I

4:10wrote him a letter of the 18 lessons that I wish I knew at 18 years old. And I wrote in a journal and I gave it to him and so I'm going to share those lessons here. Because I think it um I think it's really really relevant. And so, one of the things that Kale's floating around on the internet, that you may have seen this. Uh but it's a Steve Harvey talking about uh his dad. And he says that the relationship between any father and any kid is that your parent or like he's using son. So, I'm because it's my son, I'm going to use that context here. Um that your father is the one person that wants the only man that wants you to beat them. Think about it. Your whole life your father would be the only man that wants you to beat them. And cuz every other guy, I mean, I love my buddies, but at the end of the day, we want each other to win. But, we want to beat the other guy, right? Like I mean, we want each other to do well. I didn't say win. We want each other to do well. But, every guy wants to crush every other guy. I mean, let's just be honest. I mean, that's that's what it is, right, Katelyn?
and I play golf, and I want you to play your absolute best, and then I just want to play a little bit better than that.
I tell people I I I'm going to beat you.

5:14I want to beat you at your best. I don't want you to trip and fall. Uh

I want you to have the greatest day of your life, but I still want to crush you. Um so, uh so I wrote this
different. Dads feel different.
And so, I wrote this letter to him. It wasn't something pulled off the internet. And it's not all about money, Katelyn. Um You know, as I sent you some of the notes, um as I sent you some of those notes out there, um it's actually a lot of it's not about money, but it's I'll tell you what it's not is none of this advice is taught in school, Katelyn. It didn't come naturally to me, and it was things that I learned um through brute force and running through walls. I wouldn't say it was like sheer genius that did it. Um it was just brute force.
All I imagine when you say that is that you're like the Kool-Aid Man just running as fast as he can through walls, but what you're trying to do is to spare your son in this example and now also all of our listeners the need to break through the walls. You're going to give them the secrets that you learned.
That is a thousand a thousand percent

6:17correct. So, I'm going to read you every lesson behind it. I'm going to give you some bonus lessons at the end that were things that kind of didn't fit into these 18 that I didn't share with him. And so, if you've got kids, I think you should steal this. And if you're 18, 28, or 48, or a millennial like Katelyn, this absolutely uh applies to you. And so, here's everything in one place. So, Katelyn, here's my questions uh and I'm going to give you in specific order. And the top of this letter that I wrote to him was the title words were, "You will pass me." Right? So, my goal in my life is that my son achieves so much more. And all my kids, right? My I want Jagger, Brecklyn, and Cooper me to be the floor of what's possible in their lives. And so, first part of it was like, "Dude, you're going to pass me. Here's 18 lessons I hope help you on your journey." So, first thing, right? First question you should ask. I stole this from Tim Ferriss, by the way, Katelyn. So, some of these were my things, and some of these were just ideas that impacted my life. And so, one of the questions I ask on any initiative or risk, whether it's a a new opportunity, it's something I'm thinking

7:20about doing with a partner, uh it's a way I'm thinking about investing my money, or I'm going to take a risk personally, the question I ask is, "Can I get back here?" Right? Can I get back to where I started? Right? In life, you're going to face a ton of big decisions. And if you read that book, The Five Regrets of the Dying, right? One of the biggest regrets they have is they didn't pursue some of their dreams. Right, people were afraid maybe Katelyn to take action. And instead lived a life that was lower than their potential. And instead of you ask like, "Hey, I'm going to take this new opportunity and if it doesn't work out, but can I just get back to where I'm at now?" And if you think about it, Katelyn, how many times in your life have you taken opportunity where if it didn't work, it's like game over disaster. Okay, we got to be really careful on those. But most that's very rare, right? It's super rare. You take that new job opportunity, maybe you can't walk right back to your same job, but maybe you can get a similar job in the same field and you're right where you were. Right, there's all kinds of things to think about. And so,

8:22what I advise them to do is like, life's going to throw you tons of opportunities. How do you go take advantage of them in a risk-free way? And you should just ask the question, "Can I get back to here?"
Mhm.
And and I think, Katelyn, if you if we if we think about our lives in that context and it kind of frames in the next 17 things we're going to talk about, I think it's a really good way to measure risk and to think about opportunity. Because you make, early in your career, you need to say yes to more things, right? At 18 years old, you need to be saying yes to everything. Now, it's funny cuz we teach this in our Mastermind, Katelyn, as the pendulum swings and you become more successful, right? Like for me, I've got to say no to most things. Right? But even the new, you know, the new investments we make, I ask that question, "Can I get back here?" Like if you and I
Sure.
would have bought Roundhouse and it would have failed for some reason, um the price we bought it at and the way it was structured that no matter what happened, it was really hard to lose. We could have not made money, but we could have been left in the exact situation we were in.

9:24
Well, in fact, when we moved forward on Roundhouse, we had an entire meeting around what could go wrong here that would cause a catastrophic issue. And then you walked me through your thought process of how do I ensure or measure against those things happening such that I can get right back here. So, like at Roundhouse one of the big concerns is in the woods, it's in the forest, it's beautiful pines. But, if there was a fire and there was a forest fire and there were no more pines, not a lot of people are going to want to go to Roundhouse, right? It also might be burned down. So, how do we insure against that such that we can come back to here, come back to that point, insure against the catastrophic issue. So, I think I mean that's awesome. I love the way you taught me that framework.
Well, and I and I think people just it applies to everything, right? Like, can I get back I take this new up- I'm going to go live abroad for 90 days and take this incredible opportunity in my 20s. Well, can I get back to where I'm at today? Well, sure. Right? If you can get

10:26back there, there's no real risk in trying. Take advantage of opportunities. All right, number two.
Love it.
Katelyn, uh this is one that should be tattooed all over my body, which is, you know, I'm going to call it live your own life, don't follow the crowd. You know, the way I talk to my kids about it is there's two score cards in life, right? There's that internal one, but we believe the things we do for ourselves because we want to be a great person, we want to be a great partner. Um and then there's the things we do for the perception of others. And we filmed the whole episode about um the seven mountains episode. We'll we'll link that in the show notes. Um about the mountains people climb in life and how I was on the wrong one. And I've told my kids, right? I spent many years of my life playing for other people's applause. And the problem, Katelyn, of playing for other people's applause is the danger of what happens when they quit clapping. Right? And it just feels weird. And so, there's this weird saying um that I took from I heard it on Jay Shetty. We got the opportunity to spend some time with Jay Shetty uh privately about a year ago. Uh who's got the most incredible podcast, by the way.

11:30But, he had this he had this saying in this talk he that I was at with a very small group and he said the crazy thing about human beings and he had this saying and said, "I'm not who I think I am. Katelyn, I'm not who you think I am. I am who I think you think I am." So in other words, I'm not I'm not me. I'm not who I think I am. I'm not who you think. I am the like basically the perception of what I believe Katelyn you think of me, that's who I am. And if you think of people, why is that so crazy? You're literally based on a perception of what you think someone else thinks about you. And yet the entire world nearly all you the vast majority of people believe this. You don't And if you don't believe it, go look at the crap people post on social media, Katelyn. If that's not more external scorecard driven, I I couldn't think of something, right? Like I'd be hard-pressed to go. So and I've really raised my kids that way. It's like like if your neighbor your buddy's doing something and you want to do it because you want to do it,

12:32that's awesome. If you're doing it because you believe they will think you're cool while doing it, I think that's extremely dangerous. And again, as someone who spent the bulk of their career trying to prove to others how great he was, um I get it. Like I get it, right? In my 20s, you would not have to wait very long for me to tell you how great I was, Katelyn. It would be it would immediately just wrapped around you when you met me. And then I realized like, why am I so wrapped up in the opinion of what everyone else thinks? Everyone else has got their own stuff and problems and things. They're not even looking at me. They don't even care. Right? And if you can do and live your life for you, you can live a radically different life with a lot more peace.
You know, it's it's a phrase you say to me all the time. You know, as we're talking about would you move forward in that decision if no one else ever knew? Whether that something is simple as um would you buy that car? Would you go on that trip? Would you spend your money, time, energy, and

13:36resources on something if no one else ever knew about it? And if the answer is yes, then you're doing it for you. If the answer is like, "Well, why would I buy the BMW if no one else sees it? Like, what's the point?" Then you probably shouldn't. But if you're obsessed with, you know, that car or that thing and it's so important to you, okay, let's figure out an economic way to make that decision, but you owe it We talk about that all the time. If no one else knew, would that that be the decision you would make?
Well, and you see I'll tell you the the the classic example you see is the person on vacation that's spending the You know, the person down there the couple and the guy you could tell he's dating this girl for the you know, and they're they're early in their relationship and she wants to do a photo shoot for an hour and a half, you know, with the stuck-out lips and the back thing down by the beach and he's just going like, "Hey, sweetheart, could we just sit on the beach? I brought you here to hang out and talk as people, not to try to try to tell other people how awesome this is cuz this isn't awesome. This sucks. But we're trying to show people how great we're at the beach having a blast.

14:37You're not having a blast. That guy's in hell."
be awesome. It could be awesome if we stopped doing that.
It's currently not awesome. But they're like everybody like, "Look how awesome it is." It's not awesome. And so, Katelyn, the point I'm making my son here was like, "Stop climbing mountains that someone else picked for you. Stop trying to play for an external scorecard." Um the third one comes from uh Gary Keller that was passed on to me, passed on to my son via V mentor mentee mentor mentee like the three levels of that. And it's happiness is a choice. So, Katelyn,
What do you mean by
it is absolutely Well, we get to choose. Because if you figure out what makes you First of all, do you know what makes you happy? I mean, you got to start there. Again, if you go back to number two and you're playing for everyone else's approval, that's a sure fire way to be miserable. So, if you figure out though, what does Katelyn want? Like, what does Katelyn want? What makes her happy? I know one of the things that makes you happy is being out on the golf course with with Russ. Right? That makes you really So, you building time and focusing on that matters, right? But

15:39like, if that's your hell and you're only doing it cuz you get the video or the other thing or because it was an obligation to my parents that I had to play softball forever, you're like, "Dude, I don't even want to play softball." And you're going to play softball. Well, that's so like pick what you want to do and find out what brings you joy, not what you're supposed to do, obligated to do. Now,
that word you just said there's a difference there. I think there was something you just said that I I want to point out. There are things that make you happy and there are things that bring you joy. And I think that when you look at those two lenses, I think that's important. What actually recharges your soul, brings you true joy inside. Now, cuz I think a lot of times we use the word happy um and I think that's true. Happiness is a choice and I think you can achieve a lot of happiness when you do activities that bring you joy. And I think it's that combination. Spending time with the people you love, doing the things you want to, or whatever that thing is that brings you joy.

16:41That typically steers you away from a lot of material possession choices and into more activity choices, right? Like, you can't buy a happy meal. That's supposed to be funny. Like, you can buy a happy meal, but will

but will the Hamburglar bring you joy? Who knows? Bad joke. Bad joke.
I Well, I got where you were going, but it is true that we get to choose. And now, Katelyn, you're going to have to do some things you don't want to do in life, okay? Like, you're going to have to do some stuff you don't want to do. But it doesn't mean you have to be miserable when doing them, right? There's times where I've got to do stuff that I'm like, "Ah, man, this is going to be But I'm going to fish you know I am psycho about making epic experiences. If you and I are going to go run or speaking to or doing some meeting thing that I don't really want to do uh and I'm like, "Baler, when we get out of here we're going I mean we're going to the we're going to the uh where we at the we're going to the we're going to the floor seats of the basketball game tonight or we're going over here. Like I am going to do something that's going to bring me joy

17:43if I'm doing something that makes me happy.
At the end of the
my energy, it's got to get something to fire your energy.
But I'm choosing to be happy, right? So I know like this is a cost of what I ever I have to do to get where I'm going. That's fine. I'll pay the tax and then I'm going to go do something epic because that's what it's about. So when you realize killing no one else Here's the other thing, no one else can make you happy. Well, that's good news, right? Because you also know it can take it from you. It's a choice that you have to make and you got to choose it every single day.
If you need help in your business right now, you've got a challenge or an opportunity that you really want to hone in and capitalize on it and make a game-changing breakthrough in your business, come out to our one-day workshop. This is something we've never done before. We're now doing them at the resorts we've bought so they could be at Apple Mountain, Georgia, they could be in Northern Arizona. Um they might even be in Belize in the future, but you get to come to a one-day where there I'm not going to present slides. It's literally you and your business and you're going to leave with an action plan you can implement in your business. Go to bewealthypodcast.com and you can click on our upcoming events

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Hello.
All right, Katelyn, this is number four is for you, which is hahaha woo! Never quit laughing. Katelyn, never quit laughing. I wanted to try to land that it when you were laughing a little bit ago and you wanted me to laugh. God, I wanted to segue to number four.
The hamburger The hamburger joke did not help us with the never quit laughing because it wasn't funny.
Well, well, well, it could have been though. You got to throw out a lot of bits, Katelyn, cuz you never know what's going to hit. Is a guy that throws out a lot of stuff. You never know what My buddies will tell you that, Brett, you throw out more bits than all of us, but every now and then you had a grand you had more grand slams than all of us. And I'm like, "Yeah, guys, cuz I just got more I got more opportunities."
more at bats. I got more bats. Here's I want to jump in on this one. It is one of the things I first noticed about being in business with you. Um you do an awesome job of bringing, you know, me into like really cool events or things that you're doing both

19:47personally and professionally. And there was one day when I looked around and I realized everyone who was in that inner circle of yours. You know how we do the relationship circles? We've done a couple podcasts on it. That inner circle of yours, they have the biggest laughs you've ever seen. They laugh like they mean it. It's not, you know, if you've seen that Seinfeld episode where he's Jerry's so annoyed because the girl that they're dating goes, "That's funny." And she never laughs. She just goes, "That's funny." Your friends, the people you love to be around most, can't stop finding ways to laugh and make each other laugh. Not like they're, you know, goofballs that don't take themselves seriously. It's that they're trying to look at every aspect of life and create the joy and laughter alongside you. And it was the one thing I noticed. They all, from, you know, your your friends to your family to your business partners, everyone has these full-blown

20:50out laughs. And it is so fun to watch. Um it is really cool. You have taken that one and really surrounded yourself with people who love to laugh with you.
Well, you you've got to laugh, right? Let's be honest. Like there's days, Katelyn, where life is actually hard, right? Like it's There's going to be And if you look there and you look for negativity and pain, there is no shortage. However, if you look hard enough, you can laugh at everything, right? And so, I will tell you it is a guy who you know, has been with his partner now for 25 years and is a stand-up comic who only works his house, um it is a it is hard, Katelyn, to go make her laugh every single day. And I will tell you what, I crack I My thing is my wife's got this thing when she gets going, she can't quit and then I I can replicate her laugh and I can get this thing rolling for like 8 to 10 minutes where she almost hyperventilates. And, you know, she'll will I'll talk to like some of my buddies maybe who aren't having as much joy in their marriage. And, you know, the first question I ask them I go, "Dude, do you guys laugh?"

21:51He's like, "Do we have a laugh in a decade?" I'm like, "Really?" My wife I'm constantly doing stuff. Like, I got bits running
I yuck it up constantly. We're constantly yucking it
I got
It's so fun.
Even like it's so good. My my my wife will go She goes, "You know what's crazy? You have got the kids on this." Cuz like my little guy Jerry goes, "Hey Dad, I'm running a bit on Mom right now." In about 2 days the bit's going to hit full steam. And I was like, "Oh, what's the bit? Like, what are you doing?" And I was like, "Oh, here's how we enhance it, you know?" Like, we're But we're And she's like, "You've got the boys running bits." You know, like but it you've got to laugh, right? You've got to laugh. So, very few things in life, Katelyn, that serious. Laugh more. By the way, one of my being a reverend, Katelyn, you ready for my my final close out with live big, love deep, laugh hard. You do that,
it.
I think you kind of crush everything out there. Live big, live my three things for a great marriage. All right, which leads us to number

22:53five, which tied together perfectly. It's almost gosh, if our writing crew gets any better, these segues will just be too perfect. The your partner matters more Katelyn in life than any other decision. In terms of your success and happiness. And so, if you think about it that way, Katelyn, what you know what when you think about your partner, it's one of the very few relationships

it might be the only one that'll be with you your entire life that you actually get to choose. Right? You could have a friend with you a childhood friend that's with you your whole life, right? Like that long. But rarely, think about it. It's one of the things that you choose and the choice of your partner is what makes it special. But that choice could be the greatest one you've ever made or it could be a complete disaster. Now, it's not all the choice because on the other side of that coin, you got to be a great partner. Right? There's picking the right partner and there's being the right partner and those are two different things. But if you really get clear on, you know, I was blessed that I married the greatest human being of our time. And it made a lot of difference in my life. I can't I can't even tell you as you know

23:56first hand, you know Taylor very very well, the difference it makes
She's fantastic. Sure.
And and so, when I think of
for you. There's no question.
I'm a crazy I'm full on. There could be two of me, right? Like I could spend every waking hour with my wife. My wife could not spend every waking hour with me. It does not because she doesn't love me. It's just because this, believe it or not, and maybe it doesn't show on camera on these on these episodes, I'm a lot. All right? I'm just a lot. It's a lot. So, the right partner, the way I I use a boating analogy, the way I taught it to Cooper the right partner, excuse me, sorry. The right partner, Katelyn, is like a sail. Right? You on a boat. It's wake up, the wind's hitting it, it is just driving you forward. It is all horsepower. Yet I've got, you know, the wrong partner Katelyn, it's it's an anchor. It's literally they threw the anchors off the side and you're dragging them along trying to win. Well, can you beat other people if you're dragging an anchor and they don't have one and they're actually getting pulled forward? No, you lose to those that have sales and the anchors loose.

25:00And I I look at so many of like, you know, a person's been married 5 years and like, "Oh, well, you know how it is, Brett, the old ball and chain." I'm like, "I actually don't, fellas. If this is a fest about our wives, uh you're not going to get a lot out of me cuz my wife's my queen. She's my best friend. I couldn't be more madly in love with her. Um and it's weird cuz like I shut it down, right? I'm just a dude that's like, "Dude, if this is a dude fest about their wives, get a different group. Uh I'm not interested in hearing it." I got I got What are Well, you picked her. Right? What does that say about you? You suck. I heard I saw this on social media. Can you guys see the ultimate flexes in life today?
Loving your wife.
Showing off your partner. No.
Yeah.
Your partner's the ultimate flex. You picked them. You built a life with them. If they suck, what does it say about you? Probably you suck, right? That's, you know, a little too aggressive maybe for here. But when I tell Coop, like, I'm like, "Coop, this This decision matters. It'll have more effect on your success than anything else. Like, your education, you could go to Harvard, you could, you know, spend less, invest the

26:05difference, compound it. And if your partner sucks, your joy won't be there and I guarantee it'll be very, very hard to be successful."
You know, my dad gave my sister and I a piece of advice a long time ago. Um we sat down and uh we were just we were just talking and and he had said, you know, "When you think of who the type of man you want to marry, what are those man's qualities?" And so, my sister being, you know, the super smart, studious person, she creates a full-blown list. Here's the 10 things I need in a partner that I'm unwilling to compromise on. One of them was that they think she's funny. And I hate to break it to you, she isn't that funny. But she did find a husband who thinks she's funny. Like, but she had this really strict criteria. And then I had all of these ideas as well. So, my dad her "I love it. Tell me more. What else does he need to be like? What else is it?" And he pulls it all out of us and we're just painting this picture of this what our perfect partner in life would be. And he said, "I think that's fantastic. What do you think that guy wants his perfect partner to be? And are you that

27:08person?"
Mhm.
And we were like and he was like and he was
So, he's like, "You have to figure out if you want that person in your life, you have to go to work first on yourself and make sure you would be the right partner for them." Because I think so often in our lives we're, you know, maybe we already have this partner. And it's like one of the the people that you mentioned in your complaining the fest about her and things aren't going great, but are you her ideal candidate? And it's My mom said it to me this way. Every relationship is a chemical reaction. When one of the chemical components changes, the other one naturally will. So, as you're looking at your partner, whether you're picking a new one or you're already in one, are you the right partner for them? Are you showing up if you have your ideal what you want and you want to leave this marriage and go find somebody else? Cool. Fine. Who would that person be? I doubt you're being that person in your marriage today. So, fix yourself first. This is what my dad was saying. Fix you first and you'll be surprised who shows up on

28:10the other side.
You know, I I love the way to anchor your point. I I heard this growing up from a family member.
anchor sail anchor
anchor
See what we did?
sail anchor Gosh, we got to go back to the laughter one. Um

My my I heard my family member said this growing up that was um you can only get someone within two So, on a one to 10 scale, your total you know, your total abilities, your gifts, everything you're going to give to the partner on a one to 10 scale, rate yourself. So, this person asked me and I was like, "Oh, I'm a seven." I don't know, whatever. She was cool. Uh you you can only get someone within two of you. So, but your max potential is a nine, but realize that's going to be a They don't They're not going to want you. So, you're really looking to probably the downstream of a down to a five.

And I was like, "Whoa, I don't know that I want a five." Like, I want a 10. She goes, "Well, then what is it going to take for you to become an eight so you or nine so you can get that Like, same thing you're saying. You've got to be the person to be attractive. So, I told you choose wisely. It's the biggest decision you'll ever make.

29:11All right, the number six piece of advice I gave my son and Katelyn, you I think know this one, but um it's been a principle that I've used my entire life, which is win before you play. So, most people I'll give you an example, Katelyn. I'm going to give you three examples. Like, most people go out fishing and they go like, "Ah, man, I hope we catch a lot of fish today." And I play something I got a totally different game. My win is getting on the boat. Just getting on the boat. Like, when I get on specifically my boat, um when I get on it, Katelyn, I'm like, "Oh my gosh. We won. We did it." And the guys are like, "What do you mean? We haven't even started the tournament yet." Like, it's a fishing tournament. Like, "Guys, I won by being here." So, what if you change the game? Most of them are like, "Oh, fishing sucked today. I didn't catch any fish." I was like, "Oh, were you out on the water?" "Hell, I had a great time. I didn't catch but it was awesome cuz I had a great time hanging with my buddies. I was out on the water." So, just why don't we think about it a little differently? So, the next example, Katelyn, every par three in golf, every single one.

30:12I'm teeing up my ball. I look at the hole. And I go, "Gosh, what am I going to do when this goes in? Am I going to run in a circle? Am I going to dive in the pond?" Right? Like, what's going to be Am I going to lose my you know, the first time I you know, when I got my hole-in-one, Katelyn, I blacked out and I came to, I was in the field, lost my club and my hat, my glove. I don't know where all of it went. Apparently, I spun like a tornado and yard sold my stuff. I was so excited. And one of my buddies, I yelled at him, like, "Why am I over here?" They're like, "You just started running in a circle." Yelling

I I completely blacked out. I lost my mind. Because you know, 35,000 times Katelyn I've done it. And nothing happened, right? But I believed it was like oh it's going in. No, no, not that one. Right? So what if we started changing
But this is huge. Brett, I just had a breakthrough, a personal breakthrough. I
hole-in-one is one of the greatest things of all time?
I've never had a hole-in-one, right?
no, it takes a takes a great It takes a great It's why I'm a great player.
why. Here's why it's my mindset. I get up so often to the tee box and I go like uh, I'm kind of having a bad round. I

31:16would hate to get a hole-in-one here and have to frame the scorecard.
Oh, not me. I'll frame it on an 85. I'll frame it on an 85. I'll frame it on an 85 front nine.

Yeah, I I just want I want it every time. So you've got to win before you play. And I will tell you the other thing. So in business, you've got to believe that you're going to win before you start. Think about it. If you don't win before you play, you're like oh I hope we I hope we give it a real shot today. You're screwed. You're going to fail. You're toast. Like you've got to know in your soul that you're going to win. Right? So winning
about business, relationships, the everything that you're saying here. Business isn't a zero-sum game. It isn't someone won and someone totally lost. It's a lifetime of pivots to continue to win and get closer toward your goal. That's the coolest part about business. It's not a zero-sum game. Neither are your relationships. Your relationship with your spouse, whatever that win is that

32:20you're looking for. It's not a zero-sum game. It's every day waking up and saying I'm winning because I'm in the right place, doing the right activities, enjoying the right aspects of it.
You got to believe Most people, Katelyn, they believe they're going to lose and they're right. And then if you believe you're going to win before you step up to the tee, you probably will. Guys, I'm going to get a hole-in-one.
We all know it's going to happen now.
Well, you got to change your mindset. You got to believe you're going to You got to know it every time cuz I know every time it's going in. I'm going to play later today and I know I'm going to get one. It's going to be my second one. I'll bet you I'll I'll send you a video later. Um number seven.

I'll bet it's in the show.
Guys, that was a that was a spew. Katelyn just spewed her coffee and we were remote. That is very hard to do to get someone to laugh and spew their You've got to time it. Life is about timing. So, number seven.

Keep your expenses low. This is one about money. Uh and I said I I wrote to him. I'm like, "Cooper, this was my sec-

33:22This was my secret. It wasn't my huge income in the early years. It was low expenses that allowed me to achieve." Right? When I told the story when I started out, all my buddies, you know, they were they were making We're all making about the same amount of money, all my friends, you know, the the couples combined. And yet, they were living these huge lives. And I was living this really, really small life, right? I had this kind of crappy house and a crappy car and I didn't travel, but I was buying other houses and then assets. And they were buying stuff and things. Well, I don't know. You fast-forward two decades later and today, the irony is they kind of have a crappy house and a crappy car. And I've got everything. But it started, Katelyn, by keeping my expenses low and then as my income went, you know, stratospheric, my expenses kind of went like this. And so the delta get get wider and wider to go was obvious that I was going to become wealthy, but I locked in my low expenses. So, low expenses buy you freedom. That's what I wrote to him.

34:24You can take the better opportunity if you don't have the high overhead. You can walk away from the bad deal and most importantly, you can sleep at night. And so, you've got to look you're going to look weird in the beginning to other people. But, go out and be weird. Don't follow the status quo. Just you can't out earn a spending problem, Katelyn, is what I wrote to him. You You've got to keep your expenses low. You cannot out earn a spending problem. And we see it all the time, right? And yet, you know, the hardest private client that I coach, Katelyn, is someone who's built a world that needs $50,000 a month personally to survive. And at one point they had an income that that worked, but today I'm like, but how do you 50 grand a month is your baseline to get ahead? What if you got that down to 15 and that delta of 35 you invested it for 5 years, you'll it's incredible what you could do. And over a decade, you could end up being one of the wealthiest people you ever know. And instead, you're torching it on stuff and things most likely for an external scorecard.

35:27No one really needs $50,000 a month to live. And so, I would just I anchored it to him. I was like, dude, if you keep your expenses low, you give yourself a superpower of an advantage that allows you to out achieve others just by having a little bit of delayed gratification.
Look, if you're out there and you're a real estate agent and you're having success, but yet you don't feel like you're successful. You're making $500,000, $700,000 a year and you're asking yourself, where does the money go? I don't ever have the time. I've got I'm trying to be at home. I'm trying to be with my kids. I'm trying to have a big career. And you just feel like there's you're missing something. I think it's because you are. And if you come to our one-day workshop, you can see the testimonials on our website. Go to bewealthypodcast.com. Come spend a day and let's show you a different way to play the real estate game that helps you hit your goals. Go to bewealthypodcast.com.
Number eight, Katelyn, very controversial. Very controversial these days and I know I get a lot of bad press and people lighting me up for this, but I get a lot of pushback where you tell people, hey, man, if you read this book, you know, if you read read

36:29this book here, it might change your life." And I go, "Well, can I audible? Can I get a summary? Can I have AI summarize it for me?"
Right.
Is there a Reader's Digest version? How old is that reference? Reader's Digest?
a millennial. Not not a millennial with that comment. But but like they can't So, I literally like you think about what do books do? What they allow you to do is collapse time. Right? You could spend the next 10 years failing forward and asking people and everything. Or we could take this person's experience that they might have taken 20 years to write this book and they charge you 20 bucks, or you could read it for free at the public library, and it could literally change the quality of your life. And yet people are like, "Ah, I'm not going to read. Just going to have this crappy marriage." I'm like, "Well, have you ever read what it's like to be a great partner? Have you read the 80/80 marriage? Have you Have you read any of the books around how relationships actually work? Have you learned how to mitigate conflict maybe in a non-threatening way? Like there are ways

37:32to have every There's a book on how to be a better anything."

And and genuinely How to mitigate
That's so funny.

Like you started so soft like the books that you were suggesting.
No, the untethered soul and then The Art of War, you know.
And then you're like mitigating conflict in a non-threatening way. Guys, that's how you get invited to Ben's side table right now.
Uh it's not a book I read. It's just I was just how I felt like I I hear my you know, my one of my buddies he goes, "Man, do you ever do you ever raise your voice at your wife?" I go, "What? What are you talking about? I raise my I raise my What would I do What would I I mean, if she's in the other room, you mean like, "Hey, hon, you want to come see this?" Like or you mean like scream at her like, "Oh, you." No, I don't do that. I don't I talk to her like a human being. This is my queen. We can disagree talking like human beings, right? Like, hey, honey, I can't see your perspective right now. Can you give me some more clarity? I'm a little lost here. But so, reading, any year of your life can be improved by reading. I will tell the story one of my coaching clients

38:35One of my coaching clients um tripled his income year over year. We get to the end of the next year and I'm like, dude, what is it? And he gave a bunch of things. I was like, that's not it. Then he goes, well, I don't know. Year before I read one book, this last year I set a goal to read three a month and I read a 30 I read 30. I failed miserably. I read 30 instead of 36. But he goes, the skills, and he didn't read just 30 random books. Like, oh, what are you reading? Worst question ever. Um it literally go he asked me what he should read. And I go, what is the challenge or opportunity in your life such that mastering the skill would add massive economic value to your life, right? That's the question. Cool. He goes, I want to get better at sales. Awesome. Let's get the number, the top 10 sales books. Let's read them. Let's build a model for how we do sales. And then everything you read is testing that model. Put it in play in your life. See how it works. Make some adjustments and go back around. And like, you you literally go like that My son goes, Brett, what makes you a great coach? Or dad, what makes you a great coach? And it's like,

39:37I don't know. I've read like a thousand books and not because I the reason I had to read a thousand books, Katelyn, because I started out not very smart. And turns out if you read a thousand books, you'll learn a few things along the way. And I will tell you that reading, Katelyn, is the cheapest mentor you will ever have.
Mhm.

I love it.
I cut you off, Katelyn. I want to go back to your point.
Oh, I what I was going to mention was you and I were talking the other day about leverage, right? And we were talking about our upcoming mastermind and really some of these components of leverage we want to focus on. And I gave you my three examples and you said to me, Katelyn, you're missing the biggest one. But my three examples were in leverage, it makes a ton of sense. If I were going to buy real estate and you were going to be buy real estate, we both started with a million dollars and we said, "In 10 years, who's going to have the greatest net worth?" And you were going to be able to use leverage, meaning you're going to put 20% down, get a bank loan, create a capital stack, and I was going to pay all cash with no leverage. Who

40:40would win? Obviously you, all day, every day, right? Perfect.
No question.
Now let's say we're building an operations team, right? We're building and scaling a business. And I said to you, Brett, "I'm not going to hire any humans. I'm not going to have any leverage in the business. It's going to be a business of one. You get to hire as many people as possible. Let's see who wins in 10 years." You would say, "Okay, well, that's the dumbest question. This What is this? A series of dumb questions? First, I get to use leverage, now I get the meaning money, now I get to use leverage meaning people." And the thing we were talking about was if people aren't utilizing technology and AI as a leverage tool, it's the same as if you didn't have leverage in your business with people or in your investment portfolio with debt. So obviously use technology. I bring this to you like I'm a genius, right? I'm so excited to show this example to you. And you said, "Is that it?" And I said, "Yeah." And you go, "You missed the biggest one. It's the one that actually under goes under all of it. It's the biggest leverage point under everything

41:43else you just discussed. And it's the leverage of knowledge. In each of those categories and every other category of what we're working on, what we're doing with skill you want to have, if you're not using a shortcut of the leverage of knowledge, you can't compete. And so that's been so true for you in the past, you know, 15 years that I've known you, 12 years working or 11 years working together. You have a thirst for knowledge through reading. Um and it has helped you to move so much faster and then I get the benefit of you say don't read these 42 stupid books, read these three great ones and let's go. Um but it has been this your thirst for knowledge and reading is you're insatiable when it comes to knowledge of reading.
Well, because the reason why you do it though, I go back to the point here, I want to collapse time, right? Time being the most valuable resource. If I can learn like there's one way to experience life, it's just what I comes through my two eyes and through just the course of my life. The other way is I can experience life and learn from everyone

42:45else.
Yes.
Both positive and negative. Right? I learn the negative as warning signs. Oh my gosh, I'm not going to do that. What did he do? Right? Like how did that work out? Okay, I know how and like like Charlie Munger's thing, right? Like if you focus on like how do I If you want to have a great marriage, the first thing you do how do I have a terrible one? Okay? And then stay away from that stuff, you'll probably land at the good stuff. But like again, that idea comes out of a book, right? Like I didn't come up with that a concept of like invert every problem. But reading, again, it's the cheapest mentor you'll ever have, it'll change your life and I am just I tell my kids it They they know like I am I've got Ironically, if you saw my setup here, I've got books stacked underneath my laptop and my camera here today. Wasn't hard to find them because they're just My wife says, "They're just stacks of books all over our home." I go, "Yeah. Yeah, I don't It's super valuable to me." And like Jim Rohn had this old quote, "You know what rich people have in their home? A library. You know what poor people never have? A library." And I'm thinking about it. I'm like, "Look behind you. There's all those books back there." Like I don't know a wealthy, successful person that doesn't read and doesn't have books

43:47everywhere. I know the people that don't read and they do it on Audible or whatever. They're like, "Oh, I'm going to be successful." Sure, maybe, whatever, but you're going against the grain of what's possible. And reading will change your life. All right, we talked about this before. We filled a whole podcast on it. I shortened it a little bit for my son. I know the nine pieces of advice is like life works in three circles as it relates to people. Okay? You're going to have three circles of people. And I said, "Son, you need to get really clear on who's in them." Number one is your family. And when I say family, these are the people that no question they'll be with you your entire life. For me, right? I When I say family, I focus on my wife, Taylor, my three kids that live inside of my household. They're under like that's us, okay? For sure, those people are going to be with me my entire life. So, then you've got friends. And I define friends a little different than others cuz the third category is acquaintances. So, friends for me, I think you should define that is no more than five people. And I'll explain why in a minute. It's probably even three or less. These are people, right, that almost become like family.

44:49The The idea is that they would also be with you the majority or hopefully your whole life. And then acquaintances are all the people that sit on the outside, right? They could be members of your church, your community, people at work that you see, right? You're friendly to them, you know them, but you think about them. And so, I said, "The key to life, son, is to think about time. And you start at the center of your circle, which is family. And then it's friends and acquaintances, you should think about spending your time from the inside out." You should invest more time in the people that be with you longest cuz you'll have the deepest relationships. And if And what the mistake people make is they go outside in. They spend all their time with the fun time Charlie's out on the periphery, that Carl who's a gas from work, but they're never going to see Carl in a little bit. And he's just a drunk, right? He's not an awesome dude. He just gets bombed.
spell his funny
Carl with a K, and he says funny stuff. And he's a gas, but it's like that guy's not real not really a thing. And so, the goal should be you take people on the outside as you build relationship, you

45:51move them in, and then you focus your areas. And I put I go, "Most people get it backwards. So, son, if you if you start at the center and work outwards, and you think about your time that way, you'll end up landing in a lot better place.
Mhm.
All right, Katelyn. Uh number number 10, we're going to talk about religion. And I know that they say there's things you're not supposed to talk about, but this is my religion that I created. Um and I think I think any good religious person will agree with it. My religion is called the good dude rule. Uh and dude, first of all, ladies, dude knows no no gender. So, dude apply call you dude sometimes, Katelyn. So, dude does is not a gender thing. But, my religion's the is the good dude rule. And so, I said, "Hey, cool. All you have to ask in every situation is what would a good dude do in this situation?" And it can relate to anything that happens in your life. If you just say, "You know what? What would a good dude do in this situation?" And if you default to that, you'll be in a great place. The second thing I wrote to him is being nice

46:54is not the same as being good. They're not the same thing. So, I know a lot of people that are super bubbly and pleasant, Katelyn, and they are snake oil salesmen and complete piece of garbage, okay? But, they're very pleasant when they do it and they steal from you and they think, "Oh my gosh, Katelyn, suck it in." And they're just phony, right? Like you see some of that? Not that really nice people are all phony. I'm just making a comment that being good and being nice are different.
Here.
And you should focus on being good. A good dude, they have respect, it knows no gender, and just when you don't know what to do, if you default to what would a good dude do in every situation, your life will work out just fine.
I think that leads perfectly into your next one. Perfectly.
So. So, number 11. Uh I I I I tell people the truth and tell it to their face. Uh in another word In other words, Katelyn, be a truth teller in a fake world. In our companies, one of the principles that we tell people is we practice what's called radical transparency. Said another way, way more aggressive as

47:58we practice confrontational accountability, which means Katelyn, if there's something you're doing that I don't like, I'm going to confront that issue. Katelyn, I'm not comfortable with that. I don't like the way you said I don't like this. And here's why. Can I share my perspective? Instead of going home and harboring it and telling, you know what, honey? Today Katelyn was super rude to me and she said something that I didn't like and I'm telling my wife this. Why don't I talk to you about it? Be radically
Sure.
And why don't we be radically transparent? So, why aren't we authentic? And it's because again, it goes back to one of our principles earlier, we're concerned about an external perception if I'm too honest with people. And so, I just said, look, be transparent, tell them the truth and tell it to their face. And most people will tell the truth to everybody except the one person who actually needs to hear it. And the way you actually help people is by being authentic and being truthful to them. And this came from, you know, growing up my my dad had a few principles he shared, but like one of our rules between me and I was like, hey, I don't care what happens, you will always agree to tell me the

48:59truth and I'll always tell you the truth. Like we will never lie, the smallest thing. Right? And it's And it's the little lies that get you into trouble. My buddies will, you know, like, oh, I didn't tell the wife I was going out with you to have a beer tonight. I'm like, what are you doing, dude?
Why?
You You lying to your wife about where you're going? What kind of weird game are you playing? I go, hey, honey, I'm having a beer. She goes, and my wife says, that's awesome. Who you going with? That's so cool. Like like like I'm not that I'm going out with beer every single night, but it's all like I can be honest about what I'm doing. And I think all most of the problems that people have in their relationships, I believe, come from a lack of transparency or lack of just total truth.
One of the
Anything you want to add to that, Katelyn?
Well, I have I have two pieces there. It's funny, you made me think of Russ and I were just talking about this. You know, you you're in relationships with other couples, you're friendships with them, and sometimes the guy will come over and say like, "Hey, don't tell her about this." And Russ and I have this rule. It's like, "Uh, we're out. We're completely out." Because I can't keep up

50:01with your web of lies. Like, that doesn't work for us. And it goes to something he and I talked about years ago. There's this awesome, I think it's awesome, um, Matthew McConaughey does this commencement speech. And it's, you know, the life lessons he wants to give the university and and it's it's down in Austin and one of the things he said was, "I don't leave crumbs." And when he he was talking about was crumbs in life, they may be a little thing here and a little thing here and you didn't tell this person exactly the truth or even if it was you and I, you know, you and I, we had a meeting and I held something back and was like, "I don't, you know." And then I harbored it. Those things will eat you alive over time. And it doesn't mean you're a liar. It just means when you don't handle things at it's face value, truthful way, and trust others with that and have them trust you, it will eat you alive. So, you can't leave any crumbs behind. Clean up all your crumbs. One of my favorite

51:03parts about my relationship with you is Brett, I don't have any crumbs. You could call me and call me to the carpet on XYZ happened over here. And I'll say, "Hey, I'm going to tell you the truth. Here's what existed. If it was an honest mistake, it was an honest mistake." All of our team members, everything There's no, um, political chess that's played inside of our organization. And and that's been from the top with you. Where it's like, "We're going to tell people radical transparency. If someone's under performing, they're going to be crystal clear. If they're over performing, they're going to be crystal clear. They're going to know where they stand in our relationship, what our expectations are." And I think you and I sleep pretty great at night and have really good relationships with our people. Um, I was riding with uh, at our golf course yesterday. You know, we just aerated the greens and our greenskeeper there was so cool. He took me out to like show me the next step of the process of like how we seed and then what the sand overlay is and how we water it and it was awesome. And we got to the parking lot and he

52:05said and and we'd have to have a tough conversation, you know, we've got a couple conditions issues and he's like, "You know the thing I like best about working with you and Brett is that you treat us like family." And what I think he was trying to say with that is it wasn't, "Oh, you're so nice. You just, you know, make everything easy going." It was, "We're having real conversations, being real people, taking care of each other, working hard. It's an authentic relationship." And so if you're living in this fake world, it's got to be exhausting over time, right? You can't have your worlds collide, you know, if this group of friends meets my employees over here, all my lives are going to come. If that's where you're existing, immediately that's so much turmoil in your life. Living in and you've helped me with this so much. Live a real world life with real relationships with a real truth conversations.
Well, and and just the last thing I'd say there is it when you live in that conflict where you're not telling the truth or it's you're not in radical transparency or

53:08you know that you know, that was a little lie. All Well, I'm going to tell you it pulls you away from success because you're you're creating energy and you're putting energy into all of these things which is like I got to keep this person from that person and I got to store this differently and if you like that's what some people ask me, "Well, what are you going to tell them?" I go, "What am I going to tell them? The truth. It's easy to remember." I'm going to tell the truth. Did we screw this up? This is bad. We screwed it up. That I don't know, but I'll get you an answer to. Like just be real. And and it it takes all the it's just the easiest thing to do. Uh number 12. Number 12 uh will came from the way I'm going to say it the way my dad would have said it is there's no free lunch. Uh so what I told my kid is be careful of the free lunch. Nothing's free and be careful of huge promises. Um and so what I advise them I was like, "There's going to be the promise of huge return, something for nothing. Oh, you can't lose in this deal. In 25% plus returns, scam." All of it is scams and lies. And so when

54:11something's too good to be true, most likely it is, right? So the pitch, the I guarantee it, um you don't have to work that hard, this will be easy, like all Just be careful of huge promises. So nothing's free, the bigger the promise, the harder I want you to look into it. So if they say, "Oh, it's going to be a Dig deeper. The bigger the promise, the harder you look." That was my comment to him. Be careful. Number 13 is a Brett thing that I, you know, it's a little nerdy, but I said you should always think in risk-adjusted rates of return. Now that's a little nerdy and a little, you know, technical speak, but I actually don't actually mean it always in um financial calculations. You should think about the risk adjust like if I'm taking a risk, is it worth the return? That could be in a relationship, right? That could be in money, could be a deal, could be a partnership. Um you know, for the sake of it here, we'll explain it in terms of money, right? So the return isn't the

55:13number, the return is the number compared to the risk. So a 20% return, Katelyn, that could uh go to zero is not a very good risk-adjusted rate of return. An 8% return that's almost a sure thing could be a bargain. So what I focused on in my life and what I realized is that everything that we should think about in terms of money is a risk-adjusted rate of return. And am I getting compensated appropriately for the risk that I'm that I'm that I'm making here? And and we talk about this a lot in our mastermind and and we talked about it here, which is the biggest mistake investors make. And I you know I I had a full coaching day yesterday with my one-on-one clients. And this guy was going out, Katelyn, he's making an active investment and he's receiving a passive return, which is the number one mistake of the investor. The number one mistake. So he had this whole RV park and we're underwriting it and I was like, "Dude, this is a 6% return to run an active investment. You can buy I bought my Starbucks and

56:15got close to an eight. Now that's a killer deal and you can't just go find one of the MLS and do that. It was an off-market deal. But my point is like I get paid more money to do nothing than you do to work your ass off. Who do you think's going to win the game? I don't mind working my ass off, Katelyn. I I I do it freely. I just need to get paid appropriately for the work that I'm doing. When I invest my capital, I've got to get I paid appropriately for the risk that I'm taking. Like as an example, if I'm going to do a third mortgage on someone's house, which I would never do cuz it's the riskiest thing on earth, I can't even charge it cuz it's illegal. It's like it'd be violating usury cuz I need to charge 50% interest on this loan cuz I know that half of them are going to go bad. So like don't ask what it pays, ask what it pays for the risk and figure out where your risk is and are you being compensated appropriately for your risk. So Katelyn, for the people that are listening this right now, if you're sitting there thinking, "Man, I know this. Like I read all this is kind of common sense. You wouldn't find this in like wow, it's going to be the archives

57:17of, you know, academic research. This is all found in the library of common sense. However, I bet a lot of you listening this or watching this aren't listening. Like you're not living what you're listening to." And so that's exactly what we do on one-on-one coaching with with Katelyn, or a member of our team. If you're interested in what we do on one-on-one coaching, you can book a call in the link below, and check out what we do at Be Wealthy. All right, Katelyn. I want to go to lesson 14 is where we're at. And uh my my message to my son was run as hard as you can, as fast as you can, when you're young. And I I I told him that society's going to tell you that you have all the time in the world, and what I'm going to tell you is you're 18 years old and you're already behind. You're behind because what you There's two things you need to figure out in life. Number one, you got to figure out what you want. What do I What's my ideal dream life? Right? Most people have no idea what the heck they want. They're unhappy with what they have, which we've discussed previously is my personal definition of hell. But I'm like, Coop, you got to figure out exactly what you want, and you want

58:19to get there as quick as you can cuz you get to live the life the way you want it for more period of time. Now, that goes against conventional wisdom, right? Cuz what will society tell you, Katelyn? Oh, you got all the time in the world. Take your time. You're good. Right? Do you know all the people that are saying that though, Katelyn? You know what I know about them? It's usually said by people that aren't living their dreams.
Sure.
Right? Like you got to get there.
You said something to me the other day. You know, we're in a season where we're as an organization running really hard. We see incredible opportunity ahead of us, and we know there's a pocket of time upon which we have to seize the opportunity we're looking at. Fair?
Uh completely fair.
I said to you like, we're running really hard. Um and I you know, we we have two roles in the company as I like to see. Yours is growth, meaning help to seize opportunities, and then bring lead flow into the opportunity. You're all things

59:22growth. I'm helping on the
Growth and I thought I was facilities, but that's a story for another day.
[gasps]
You are facilities my mom.
Because you have to give me to be fair if you were going to give me your facility
majored in facili- And I majored in facilities. Neither here nor
over the new opportunity, it has to be functioning. The septic has to work. So, your facilities
Everything from satellites to sewers, I touch it all. You name it, I got it.
it you can't hand it to me to run until it's a functioning property. That's Guys, obviously a segway. Don't worry about the way we were together. It's fine. We're doing great. However, one of the things you said to me literally it was maybe like 5 days ago. You said, "Baller, we can it's going to be hard. So, it's either going to be hard or it's going to be hard and we're going to go really big. But either of these two are going to be hard. So, we might as well win exponentially and pick the hard that's actually going to help us to win more. Let's go harder, faster initially." And I was like, "You know

1:00:25what? You're right. Grip and rip." And then man, in the last 5 days did you grip and rip. Woo! Coming in hot.
It uh It uh okay, I will tell like So, here's the deal. It's all hard. You know what? I'm going to tell you what's really hard, Katelyn. You know one of the hardest periods of my life is when I was poor. It was actually really hard. Believe it or not. I'm I'm dead serious. When I was poor, when I was poor, I'm going to tell you I wouldn't have said it was easy. I wasn't one of those poor people who was on easy street. I was poor people who was working my ass off to be poor. And so, what I told Cooper, I'm like, "Dude, the for me, right? The the thing that I want the most in life personally is epic experiences with people I love. Racing for me to get to the destination to have enough money and resources and passive income in so I could go have more epic experiences with people I love. And I think if I told that to anybody, you'd be like, "Well, that's smart. Like I want to do that." Are you living it though? Like cuz you got to wake up a little early. You might have to work a little late early to get ahead. And so Cooper like, everyone in life's going to tell you you

1:01:28got plenty of time. You don't. You're behind. It's a race. Speed's a weapon. It's a race. Run as fast as you are Run as fast as you can as hard as you possibly can. Number 15. I said, "Coop, you need people more than they need you." Find the real ones and give them everything. So, when you work when you find your your work team, right? You got to realize that they're You're going to have like I've been in my life in and out of the organization we probably got a, you know, a thousand people come into our world and come out of it. And, you know, the the way I think early on I believe that they were all going to stay forever and work there for, you know, the rest of their lives and we're all going to be this big happy family. And then you realize though that people leave for a variety of reasons. They they want to change jobs. They want to move to a different city. Um, they want to just not do that kind of work anymore. And so all of that's part of the human condition. But yet there's going to be a select group that might be with you forever. And when you find them, you got to go all the way in. It'll make all the difference, right? When I look at my relationship with you, when I look at with, you know, Sabrina, when I look at

1:02:31it with Joe or Melissa or like all of our Like every one of my people has been with me except Cole who's been like now three or four years. Um, you guys have been with me 10 plus years. Like over a decade we've been working together. And so when you find that, you find the real ones, you got to give them everything and you've got to be a great again. I You're a great partner but like that and I know all the things that I need out of you. But then I got to turn the corner like what am I offering as the leader? And I've got to give way more than I'm getting. And so I was like, "Dude, you need people." And you got to pick the ones that matter. You got to stick with them.
And I think that's in your business and in your personal life.
It's everywhere. It relates to your friends. It relates to your family which by the way the the way I define family is just the people that will be with you forever. You get to pick them, right? You're assigned a few and then you get to pick more if you want to add them to it. Um but you got to know who they are. You got to know who your crew is. And you got to dig all the way into it. Gosh, you
You literally said you're assigned a few. You mean your biological children? [1:03:33]
Yeah, that's who you're assigned. You're like
This is your assignment. Yeah.
Yeah, God said these are God said these are my people but then I'm like Well, I grabbed a bunch of people put in my family. I'm like yeah, like I mean like
don't say like these were my assignments and these were my add-ons. It's just a fun You just say things in a really funny way sometimes.
Well, well, I I That's what Tara said, "Well, this person is my family." And they're like, "Well, I introduce you know, like like Claudia who's worked for me in my house for now 16 years are part of my family. Now, biologically we don't have a connection.
I don't
She's not quote unquote assigned to you.
She wasn't assigned to me. However, I could assure you she's a part of my family. Like I could I could say there's every part of it. She's under this umbrella. Um yeah, well, some people are assigned to you, Katelyn. I just don't believe that that's the limit of where it can go. So, find the real ones, give them everything.
Most of us make massive investments in our business and some of those investments don't pay off. So, you could come spend a day with me for $997. You come out to one of our resorts, you're

1:04:34going to spend a day, bring your challenge, bring your opportunities, and let's work through it in a one-on-one coaching session. You're going to be in a room of your peers, no more than 15 people are going to be there, and I'm going to coach you personally to tackle your challenge and opportunity. Go to bewealthypodcast.com to see the next dates for our event.
Number 16, find the opportunity. And so, I will tell you I've told the story before, but it's the best way to think about opportunity. So, I just started dating my wife and we're at that place in our relationship where she's like, "Hey, I want you to meet my dad." And her dad was this big business guy, this huge company, and he was a member at one of the most exclusive country clubs in Scottsdale at the time. And I met with them and I'm like a 19-year-old loose cannon. And I don't have a lot of polish. And I'm from the country, okay? Like graduating class 17. I mean, I've never been to nice stuff. So, I pull up to the golf club, Katelyn, and I get out of my car and then my car drives off. And I was like, "Dude, that guy's stealing my car." Like, "What the Like, no, sir. We We park it for you. It's We

1:05:37just have like an automatic valet situation." I'm like, "Why did you give me my name?" He's like, "No, we just kind of got it. We We got it. Like, we get it. You're You're here." When you come back out, you just tell us you want it, we'll go get it. I'm like, "Okay." They're like, "Uh you know, Mr. Smith is waiting for you on the green." I was like, "Oh, okay." Got that. Message received. So, I'm over on the green. I I'm like, "What are we doing here?" So, we're playing golf and he proceeds to just shoot out of his mind, which come back. This guy beats He shoots like a 77. He's not even like He's like a 13 handicap. Like, how do you shoot seven Like, what the hell's going on here? So, he just crushed me that day. But anyway, so cart girl's driving up, okay? Happened to be a cart guy this day, by the way, so for whatever reason. No No judgment. Driving up and before I got to I was looking at these houses on the cliffs that are looking down. And I'm like, "What did he do? And what did she do? And what did And he goes, "Oh, I'll explain to you the difference between the cart guy today and that person up there." And so, Brett, that person up there, how they got up there? What did they do? He goes, "I have no idea. I can tell you

1:06:39what they did do. They said yes to opportunity." And the cart person today has not yet has not yet said yes to their opportunity. And he goes, "What the cart person might believe is that the opportunities aren't equal." He goes, "The truth is everyone gets the same amount."
Mhm.
Question is, will you be ready when yours comes? So, when opportunity comes for you, you've got to be ready to take advantage of it. We all get the same amount. The difference in being the cart guy for the rest of your life or the difference of living up on the hill, you know, looking down the golf course? You got to say yes to the opportunity, right? There's endless opportunities in every market. Stay curious and you never stop growing. Right? There will be seasons when opportunities seem gone. They're just harder to find, but they're more valuable when you find them. And so I put, "Coop, they never disappear. They just get harder to find and when you find the great ones, double down, right? So like and I look at our lives, Katelyn, there's been like Apple Mountain, right? What an opportunity, right? Like that was a massive opportunity cloaked in, you know, hidden in hard work. Um but

1:07:43massive opportunity, right? It was out there for the world to see. Like it wasn't hidden. It was a public auction for the world to see. You know, we got it and hit the great We're going to hit the grand slam with it.

But you got to be ready and in the game to get the opportunity.
And you have to be looking.
You have to be looking and understand it. Uh number 17 is one of mine, Katelyn, and and this is not about breaking law, but so Coop, rules are there for those that believe the rules apply to them. It's one of the now I know that this will be controversial. So before This doesn't mean you should break the law. It doesn't mean you should do the wrong thing. Um but I'm going to give you some examples. So many of the quote rules of life, Katelyn, are just societal norms. They're just things that we've kind of all agreed upon that like that's the way you do it. Well, I wasn't there when they voted on how we agree on how the things work. I wasn't there for that.

But I don't agree that it should work like that and I'm not doing it. And so thus, those rules don't apply to me. Okay? And I'm going to give you, you know, I can give you some ex- I'll give

1:08:45you a really great example. Um the public school system in America today would say there's a certain amount of days you can't take your kid out of school. And if you do it, Katelyn, they're going to send you a letter, truancy or whatever. They send you letters. Believe me, I've gotten endless amounts of them. Um and it says like if you don't have your kid in school, like I guess something will happen. They'll send another letter or they'll throw me in jail or I don't know where it goes. Um, but I don't care. I don't care because I take my kids out of school and we're going to go on trips and we're going to travel and we're going to learn other cultures, other ideas. We're going to learn to work with other people and I believe that might be more valuable than some of the goofball stuff they teach in the public education system today. And so that's a rule that I am choose to break. Like a Well, I just took my son fishing in Alaska for a weekend and we were not on fall break or uh or anything. And people ask me and I said, "You just rip your son out of school for a week?" And I go, "Oh, all the time. Yeah, 100%." And they go, "What does the school say?" I go, "Oh, I wish I cared. Uh, I don't care." They can get to do whatever they get to do and right like that's their choice,

1:09:47Katelyn, and they could penalize my son or fail him from eighth grade math or whatever they do. Um, and I don't care. Right? Like give him a D. He's an A, perfect A student. Give him a D. I love it for you. That's awesome. How cool. If they fail him out, I've already created the Tanner Academy once before and I home schooled home schooled my kids for 2 years in COVID, hired a teacher and it was epic. So, the point is like don't let societal norms govern your great life. Right? Most rules are just habits that other people agreed to. Decide Now, don't break the law, but decide what rules you're willing to accept.
So, I took this and applied it poorly, Brett. I get on a plane and I don't care what that flight attendant tells me. I'm going to keep my laptop out.
to tell you do not believe the rules apply to you at all.
When you don't
all the travel situation.
The travel So, you and I are polar opposite in that I've applied it in a wrong way. I've I've applied it in a wrong way. Guys, when you are on a plane, you need to abide by the rules.

1:10:50Brett Tanner is the most compliant traveler you've ever seen because he wants to remove all friction. He wants to put his headset in and no one talk to him, look at him, or communicate with him in any way, shape, or form. I
Katelyn, Katelyn, pause it. You know that like when they see you
I am rebellious on the plane.
When you see those people that are getting escorted off the plane by security and they're dragging them down the aisle and their heads getting beat up and I'm like if four storm troopers ascend onto the plane and tell me to get up, it's like, "No problem. Here we go. Let's go. I will I literally my seatmate when I get in there on the plane, I tell my wife, "Hey, hey, I'm working on something." I put on my headphones. Whatever they want from the flight attendants, I don't want any of it. I'm going to sit over here. I don't want the drink I got my drink already bought it. I don't want to I'm just going to I turn my shoulder and I got 6 hours to grind it out and it's like the most beautiful time ever. My phone doesn't work. It's awesome.
But this is insane.
Well, listen, we don't have to dig into all my bad habits and air them out, but yes, I
You believe definitely that none of the
like to be caged. I don't like to be

1:11:52caged. You cannot cage this bird. This bird. If you tell me I can't do something, now I want to do it more than anything. Like it drive If If it doesn't make sense like that I can't use my laptop because it's not an iPad, that doesn't make sense, Brett. Anyway, my point in this is to say, make sure you're applying this to things that actually matter and get you where you want to go versus just being ornery like I am on a plane. That was my aim.
Okay. Well,
See, I have to say it this way today.
Like here's the rule like here would be a societal norm. Like it would be a quote rule like um you can't negotiate with a bank. Really? That's not true. That's a rule like well, but this is a published thing and like but that's just a societal norm. You can negotiate anywhere. And so like there's all these rules that we believe and I just I want you my kids to go like, "Well, is that a real thing or is that just a made up thing that we've all kind of agreed to?" And I just think that you got to like think a little you got to get out of the box. And number 18, the last thing I told him

1:12:55and I closed out the letter with Coop, age isn't a requirement for massive success. So, you're going to go out there and believe that you need a lot of white hair, you know, Katelyn still looks very very young cuz she's a millennial, but um like you don't age is not a requirement. And so, when I go when we do these speaking events, you know, one of the things I do is I find out who the youngest person in the crowd is, I talk to them, we send them a book, and we have this whole exchange. And the thing I tell young people at 18, I was like, "Society will tell you you have to like go to college and then get a job and then learn some stuff and then then you can be successful." And that's all crap. You could crush it at 18, you could crush it at 25, you can crush it at 55 on the first day in something new, right? But what I told like Coop, massive success age isn't a thing. Winners win and you can win at any time. Period, end of story. Age isn't a requirement, it's it's knowledge and your mindset, right? Win before you play, read the books, go out and win. And so, Katelyn and I that was my 18 things to my son. Here was my five bonus

1:13:59things that I came up with that didn't make the letter that I cuz I was I was writing all this out, you know, I had to cut it down cuz as you know, I'm not short on lots of advice. Um number one like the number one of the in the bonus was showing up's 95% of life. Just showing up. It used to be like, you know, 80%. I was I was actually like, "If you just show up today, like the world and young people today are largely so checked out, right? Just on their phones doom scrolling going nowhere, but if you actually show up and are purposeful, you stand out like you can't even imagine. Like like imagine K- if you're a young person listening to this, okay? Katelyn, I want you to imagine it that you know, we just hired a new GM for the golf course. And I want you to imagine for a moment that we had Cooper walk into the golf shop, go to our new GM, walk in, shake his hand, look him in the eye, say, "Hey, man, my name is Cooper. I'm looking for a job. Uh I'll do whatever. And I'll tell you what, I'll start today. I'll start right now. And you don't have to pay me for

1:15:00today." How long would it take for us to hire him?
4 seconds?
Mhm. Uh not long at all. Now, what will everyone else do? Kind of have AI send in an application and never follow up? But like it he has got to show up. Be in the game. You know, the second thing like which relates to this which is there's no traffic, Katelyn, on the extra mile. When you do the extra work in life,

boy, there's no one out there with you. There's no traffic. So, all you got to do like if you're going to slam your laptop down at 5:00 p.m. every day and run home, I'm going to tell you you're not going to be successful. Ever. Ever. You will be absolutely average. You're You will not reach your potential. You will not achieve. However, if some days you're not done with your work at 5:00 p.m. which is the potential in the business environment, and Katelyn, but you're like, "You know what? I'm going to spend an extra hour and a half, knock this out because I could get ahead for tomorrow." And you do that sometimes, you're going to get ahead and you're going to find that there's no traffic at all.

1:16:02
Mhm.
Next thing, some skills pay more than others, Katelyn, so build great skills. I see people reading and doing things to grow the skills that have absolutely zero value. Like I know that like taking a calligraphy course sounds really, really cool when you're 42. It's probably not going to enhance your income a lot. So, if the goal is to enhance your income, I might recommend focusing on the challenges and opportunities that would allow you to grow your income through education. So, define the skills that matter, build the skills. Like when in my life, Katelyn, I could not read a P&L when I got into business. I had no idea. I mean, I knew I had income. I knew we had some expenses. And as long as my bank account had more money in it at the end of the month than the first of the month, I thought we were doing really good. And turns out that's a really stupid way to run a business. And the skill was learning how to read a P&L. Well, that wasn't effortless like to teach yourself accounting, right? It wasn't effortless. Yet, that was a skill that paid me a lot of money to learn. Right? Just like when I had to learn the tax side of things. I had to learn how to run a self-directed accounts. We had

1:17:05to learn all these different things. Well, you and you and I had to learn We're currently learning how to run a golf course, and we're doing it very successfully. But like we've got to go learn skills. Some things pay more than others. The one thing that another one that got cut out, Katelyn, was care more about the income than the purchase. Buying something's a one-time event. You Who cares about that? Be obsessed about compounding interest and the income you can generate from it. Right? If you care more about the income that comes to you passively than you do about purchasing stuff and things, you'll crush it. And the last one I almost This was the one that came closest to getting in there, Katelyn, was you're going to be wrong in life. Just be wrong small. You can Most things in life you can make a really small bet, and then you can double the bet, double down, triple down, 10x it. But you can always make a small bet first in a lot of different things. And so, you'll be wrong a lot. Just be wrong small. And so, you know, what I told them was like, show up, do more, learn what pays, buy income,

1:18:08and be wrong small. Katelyn, anything you want to add on those those extra five bonus bonus ones?
I I think the If it were me and I I was taking and I was listening to this and I was taking just a few of those, the ones that I've seen make an exponential difference in our business, in our world, in our personal lives that you've laid in is really there's no traffic on that extra mile. Go further. Go one step further than everyone else cuz there's not anyone on that mile. And you'll be able to go faster, more efficient, and conquer more. That's a huge one. And the other one is be wrong small. I think it's so interesting and you see so many people who uh I have the luxury of seeing you on stage and listening to to your lectures and your trainings constantly. So, I get to hear a lot of that feedback cuz I'm usually in the audience alongside our people. And a lot of people look at your world and say, "Oh my gosh, he's just he moves

1:19:11so quick. He um it could seem from the outside looking in that it was reckless, right? He's just wheeling and dealing and things are crazy." What they don't see until about halfway through when you start showing how you built your wealth and how you recommend they build their wealth is that all of your bets are wildly calculated. They're not bets, I shouldn't say that. All of your investments, all of your choices are so wildly calculated that if there is something that's outside of your normal buy box, outside of your normal structure, and you want to take that risk in a calculated way, you do it small first. Let me test the water first versus give up all control. So, you do micro tests and micro moves to prove a model, and then you go all in from there. You never just go, "I'm going all in." You say, "Let me test, let me educate, let me look through this, make a micro test, and then you jump in." So, be wrong small and go the extra mile, I think are

1:20:15huge.
So, what I want I want to give some homework, Katelyn, to our people. Uh if you've got someone who's a teenager that age, I would say start writing a letter now. If you got someone who's 18, I think it's one of the best gifts you could give them. Uh I think start writing these letters and give it to them. Impact you know, impart your wisdom and share it with them. Don't wait for You don't even have to wait for their birthday. Give it to them now. Write that letter. And by the way, it might be the advice that you need to take yourself. You know, as I wrote this to Cooper, I was going back and living it's like, how much am I living this today? Right? These core principles. And how can I live them more? So, I mean, I took a lot out of writing it to him. I hope it added value to our audience here today. Uh we will be back here next week for another episode of Be Wealthy. Follow our show. Click the follow button so you don't ever miss new content we drop. That's Katelyn Mitchell. I'm Brett Tanner. And this was another episode of the Be Wealthy podcast. We'll see you back here next week.